Parent considers banning daughter’s boyfriend from family dinners after he takes full plates, pretends to eat, then throws the food away: 'Food isn’t cheap'

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Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Jul 11, 2026 9:45 AM EDT

People can have complicated relationships with food because of culture, family habits, or body image, and it's not something that can be easily explained or controlled. We get that, and we respect that. But this is not one of those situations. The real issue here is food waste and someone's inconsiderate attitude.

The daughter's boyfriend doesn't want to eat in front of people, and that seems to be a phobia, so we won't blame him for that, and we respect that. But that doesn't mean everyone else has to keep paying for expensive restaurant meals that go untouched, or keep watching homemade food get thrown away into the trash. We should separate those things. Accepting food to throw it away is not respectful either. 

He doesn't have to eat in front of the family if he doesn't feel comfortable. But he also doesn't need to order a full meal and then throw it out. If they're at a restaurant, that wastes money for them. And if they're at home, it wastes time, effort, groceries, and care. Why do you have to pretend to eat, only to throw away everything afterward? There must be a way to do things differently. 

He seriously needs to find a way to deal with his phobia and stop making his girlfriend's parents waste food and money. He could pack food to go and then eat alone. He could join for conversation but skip the meal. He could say he already ate, and then eat somewhere alone. There are ways to spend time together without wasting an entire plate. And above all things, an honest conversation would totally make things better.

The parent should probably avoid calling him out or banning him from meals, because that will only make things worse, and he could feel affected personally. But respect goes both ways. The boyfriend may be dealing with something, but the family is also allowed to set limits around wasted food and money.  

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  • A family sitting at a dinner table filled with full plates of food, representing meals wasted after a family dinner.
    via Unsplash+ (Ahmet Kurt)

    A family sitting at a dinner table filled with full plates of food, representing meals wasted after a family dinner.

    This is a staged scene.

  • WIBTA for asking my daughter's boyfriend to stop having dinner with us?

    My daughter (21) has been dating this guy (24) for 2 years. It's fairly serious. He is from Mexico and has been in the U.S. since he was 3 years old.
    via w8136
  • He has a strange phobia of not wanting anyone to see him eat. And it's real...I've literally never seen this kid put a bite of
    via w8136
  • food in his mouth, despite spending a fair amount of time around him. He is thin, but doesn't look unhealthy.
    via w8136
  • The problem is, we will take them out to dinner occasionally for holidays or special occasions. He always orders a full meal. He will cut up the food, push it around on the plate...but not eat ANY
    via w8136
  • of it. Then after the meal, he will "donate his leftovers" to someone else. It's even worse when I make home cooked meals and they come to dinner.
    via w8136
  • He does the same thing...takes a full plate of food, pushes it around, cuts it up, makes it look messed with...but doesn't eat ANY of it. Then he will scrape ALL the food into the trash can afterwards.
    via w8136
  • Home-cooked meals that go to waste after a family dinner.
    via Unsplash+ (Andrej Lisakov)

    Home-cooked meals that go to waste after a family dinner.

  • I'm starting to get enraged over this. He wastes a horrendous amount of food, and I can't stand the money wasted
    via w8136
  • when we buy him expensive restaurant meals that go completely uneaten. It's even caused a few scenes with waiters asking him what's wrong, do they need to change his order, etc.
    via w8136
  • I've talked to my daughter privately and said, "if he doesn't want to eat, that's fine. Just tell him to STOP taking plates of food and ordering in restaurants!".
    via w8136
  • Her response was, "but in his culture it's r de for him to not take food. I'm not asking him to do that".
    via w8136
  • Man taking a full plate at a restaurant, illustrating a family dinner and a conflict caused by a boyfriend who never eats the food he orders.
    via Unsplash+ (Michael T)

    Man taking a full plate at a restaurant, illustrating a family dinner and a conflict caused by a boyfriend who never eats the food he orders.

    Subjects are models.

  • But I find it SOR DE that he is willing to keep wasting our money...food isn't cheap!!
    via w8136
  • WIBTA for just announcing that he is no longer invited to meals?
    via w8136
  • I want to stop inviting my daughter's boyfriend to dinners because he wastes food. That might make me an a h le. hole.
    via w8136
  • No-Loquat-2763 Be kind and stop inviting him to dinners. Surely there are other ways you can spend time with him that doesn't involve food.
    via No-Loquat-2763
  • Crash Bannedicoot Crazy; i was ready to be like wow you sk, but no, BF s_ks that is incredibly inconsiderate, and your daughter is honestly, being ridiculous, his phobia is not the problem, the problem is he's making it your problem, and that's not how any of this works.
    via CrashBanedicoot
  • jadestem Her response was, "but in his culture it's ride for him to not take food. I'm not asking him to do that". I am not Mexican, but I am reasonably sure it would be seen as offensive in Mexico to not eat any of the food that your host served you.
    via jadestem
  • lily060208 Why doesn't he just have the food boxed up and bring it home to eat in private??
    via lily060208

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boyfriend food waste family dinner daughter family meals
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